The only thing I've ever liked in Red.

It's my new lawnmower, and yes, it's Wicked.

For those of you who mow grass for a living, I'm sure you don't get the same thrill getting onto this commercial mower as I do, but let me tell you something... For the past 8 years I have been collecting, fixing up, and trying to keep from falling apart old '67-73 Sears Super Suburban garden tractors.

I've had all the attachments, the snow plow, snowblower, dozer blade, generator, moldboard plow, rototiller, various mower decks of various styles. Heck, I've even figured out ways to repower them to Kohler engines just so I could get parts for the stupid things.

But the time had finally come. It had been LITERALLY 2 years since I had mowed my 2 1/4 acre yard without a mechanical incident. If it wasn't a pulley zipping across the top of the grass like a UFO into the swamp, fuel leak setting leaves on fire that packed up under the front mule drive, or a smoking belt going south from a tensioner spring that broke, it was always something... Never failed. One day it took me over 5 hours to mow and 3 different tractors. I eneded up having to finish up that day with only 1 blade spinning on a 3 blade 48 inch mower deck. Don't get me wrong, I love my tractors, but being allergic to grass and crawling around and under these just to get the yard cut, I was done.

So I sucked it up, looked for SOMETHING in this modern age that was built well, parts available, local dealer equipt, and would last me the next 20 years if I wanted it to. Price was going to be dictated on what I could afford after selling all my Sears stuff. Well, almost all of it. :-) After a eBay selling spree, I had some $$$ to play with. I went out and started looking at the commercial zero turn mower market.

What I knew I'd end up with would be a Hustler Z, or a Laser Z. Both absolute tanks, both available with Kohler engines, and both came with 60 inch mowing decks. But both carried a ridiculous price tag new, and held a crazy reselling price used. I figured I'd give up on them, suck it up, and start restoring another Sears tractor in my kitchen for the attempts of mowing next year.

Keeping my eyes tuned in on eBay, I ran across a guy selling a used, beat up, 1800 hour Exmark with a 72 inch deck for a crazy price like the rest. But what caught my eye was he put in his description "Also available for same price, 60 inch model with 318 hours". Now that's what I'm about! And for that mower, the price was equally crazy-- crazy cheap!

I called him the next morning as I don't think he'd have appreciated being rung at 2:00 am. To make a long story short, That Friday I picked up my new killer mower in Dayton, Ohio and trucked it back to Akron. It was in fantastic, near new condition, everything worked, and I was giddy at the prospect of mowing the grass once again.

It was the perfect day. The sun was shining when I arrived home with my new toy, the grass was green and thick, and I figured I'd get right to it! After nearly dumping it off the trailer (I'd never driven one of these before) I went right to work on the yard. The tunes blaring through my headphones, I was singing, my boobs were jiggling, and I was haulin' grass across the yard at nearly 9 mph slinging green spray everywhere one crooked line after another!

This thing was a beast. And I loved it. What use to take 2 hours to mow, now only took me about 45 minutes, and I knew once I had some practice I might even get it down to 1/2 an hour if my kidneys could take it. The best part is- I did it without one single mechanical malfunction...

Victory.